I usually try to take care of family duties on Mondays. Well, I should say that’s what is expected of me because I am not home much on the weekends due to ministry stuff. At times, my wife writes “TO-DO” lists so that I don’t become lazy and waste the whole day. Although I complain that she expects too much from me, I do appreciate her so much for being a “super mom” and that she constantly challenges me to become a better husband and father. God has indeed blessed me beyond measures with a perfect partner to share my life with. I am forever grateful for her… except for the days when we get into fights and end up not talking for a couple days or so. Yes, as a pastor, I should know better not to let the sun go down while we are still angry at each other (Eph 4:26). But it doesn’t always happen that way.
As a result of a recent conflict with my wife, I had a bad incident this past Monday morning. She didn’t notify me of our minivan being very low on fuel so the car just died on me right after I buckled the kids into their car seats to take them to school. After spending so much time and effort in the freezing weather to pump in gas, my hands were all frozen and I spilled gas all over my hands. So I was very annoyed at myself for not properly resolving conflicts with my wife because my wife would have warned me of the low fuel light on our “normal” days. She probably forgot to mention it because we didn’t talk to each other for the entire weekend. To add to my frustration, even Reina was annoyed at me that she was late to her school. And why did it happen on the day that my parents and my sister went out early in the morning for a hospital visit? Everything just didn’t go right for me on that morning all because I failed to deal with unresolved conflicts with my wife.
How do you resolve conflicts? There is an article that I came across that presents 5 different ways people resolve conflicts. Find out which one you can identify with and learn the “carefronting” way to preserve relationships. (Refer to the source for more detailed explanation)
The Win-Lose Strategy: Seeing everything as right or wrong. No “gray” whatsoever.
Avoidance: May end up with weal and superficial relationship. Avoiding conflict at all costs in often a sign of weakness and insecurity.
Giving In: Yielding to others to maintain peace. People pleasers
Compromise: Sometimes both parties may give up something important to them and high risk of ending up unsatisfied and unhappy.
Carefronting: The two parties must agree to come together, commit to preserve the relationship, creatively find a solution that satisfies both sides, utilize reason over emotion, separate the person from the issue, and strive for a solution that will bring peace.
Source: <http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/trevinwax/2013/08/13/5-western-styles-of-managing-conflict/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=5-western-styles-of-managing-conflict&repeat=w3tc>
From Pastor Brian’s Heart
February 2, 2014