Today’s sermon passage in Colossians 3 talks in part about the relationship between parent and child. It directs not only for the child to be obedient to the parent but also for the parent to be loving to the child. It’s a very challenging role for guys because we have to resist our natural male tendency to be authoritarian in relationships and instead work towards also being loving and not embittering and discouraging as a father (and husband) as the Scripture passage calls us to be. It takes a LOT of patience and wisdom for sure.
A couple years ago I was at Chick Fil-A with my son eating lunch. It’s always really busy there and sometimes we get there but leave because the lines are so long. So this time I commented on how busy it was and I also mentioned to him that probably the reason Chick-Fil-A is so busy is that it’s a Christian-owned franchise and that most people have a high opinion of Christians so they like to eat there. But then, in some lame attempt at fatherly wisdom I tried to make a point about humility and I said to him, “But you know son, Christians aren’t perfect. They’re not always nice.” Without skipping a beat he says to me, “Yeah like you, you’re not always nice.” (Ouch, and I was a seminary student no less at the time).
Out of the mouths of babes goes the saying. I guess I deserve that. Part of my testimony is that for the longest time I had been blind to certain anger issues that were destroying my relationship with my wife and son. It had only taken 40-plus years and 3 years of seminary for a stubborn knucklehead like me to overcome my tendency as a guy to go be impatient and harsh. I acted that way under the guise of strong disciplinarian parenting. I thought I was doing the right thing for my son. But what I now realize is that it was because I didn’t know any other way except the way my flawed human nature caused me to be. And it was definitely discouraging and embittering my son unfortunately.
Thank God for the miracle of healing and restoration in my life and gradually I’ve been emerging from that dark place towards the light. I’m not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. Once in a while I’ll ask my son how I’m doing nowadays as a Dad and he’ll describe me as being “yellish” because I still raise my voice at him from time to time. But I believe there are appropriate times to be “yellish” with him in order to reinforce good parenting. It’s just that now I have a pretty darn good relationship with him so he’s much more well-adjusted. So for you men (and women) out there, I hope for everyone’s sake that your relationship with the Lord and with others aren’t suffering to a point of regret like it was with me.
From Pastor Mark’s Heart
September 1, 2013