There is a wise saying in Korea that goes something like this “The school dog will begin to recite literature after three years being there” which means even a dog can master something after years of being around school. I find this to be true in everything in my life whether I pick up a hobby or try to learn a new instrument. But when it comes to parenting, it’s a totally different issue. I’ve been a father for more than six years now but I am nowhere near “mastering” parenting. I took many classes in seminary on parenting and family matters but whatever I learned and read for the classes don’t seem to help me out much when it comes to parenting my own children. My wife and I often talk about our kids’ behaviors and try to come up with ways to handle them wisely but we don’t seem to have all the answers.
As Ryan begins to talk, understand and express himself, we are finding out that he is completely different from Reina when she was at his age. For the most part, Reina was a very complacent child. She used to sit in her exersaucer for a long time while her parents took care of chores around the house. She was very good at following orders and receiving correction when she did something wrong. However, Ryan is so different from his sister. My wife and I tried to correct Ryan’s misbehaviors through many different methods but what used to work with Reina is not working with him. After all, I guess it’s true that boys are tougher to handle than girls when they are young. The more time I spend with my kids, I realize how difficult it must’ve been for my parents to raise three children in an environment so much worse than now. Don’t get me wrong, my frustration with Ryan is not because he is totally defiant and messed up. In fact, my wife and I both agree that Ryan is so much sweeter than his sister at this age.
The reason why I decided to share about Ryan is because I had an incident this past week. Ryan did something wrong and I was giving him a “time-out.” Since Ryan is still very young, he is not so good at staying still even during a time-out, but I wanted to make sure that he knew that he was being disciplined for something he did wrong. So I put him in a corner and made him face the wall even as he resisted and giggled thinking I was playing a game with him. After a long battle of keeping him against the wall, I realized how silly I was as I sat there trying to teach him a lesson in that manner. I clearly knew it was my pride and ego wanting my young son to know that I am in charge. Ryan ended up saying sorry and hugged me which felt good but I had mixed feelings of whether I am being a good father to my son.
That night, I went to a leadership meeting at church and we talked about God’s characters and read Psalm 103:8 “The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.” As soon as I read that verse, I couldn’t help but think back to my incident with Ryan that I had before I came to church. We went on to talk about how our own children establish their view of the “Father God” through their earthly father. I had to repent for what I did to Ryan earlier. Even though he deserved punishment for his wrongdoing, I could have displayed the characters of God instead of being so easily irritated. If parenting is all about displaying godly character so my children can see the Father God through me, I certainly am far away from mastering it. I am so determined to do my best to be the best father I can be for my children so they will not only have a good image of me, but God as being compassionate, gracious, slow to anger and abounding in love.
From Pastor Brian’s Heart
June 2, 2013