Recently During Bedtime Prayers with 9-yr Old Son:
Me: . . . and Lord I pray that I will be a better daddy tomorrow than I was today, and I thank you that I was a better daddy today than I was yesterday and I thank you for . . .
Son: uh, wait a minute, you weren't a better daddy today than you were yesterday.
Me: oh . . . sorry. (wife chuckling in the background)
I posted this the other day on facebook. It happened several weeks ago but has been yet another reminder to me of my ongoing personal journey of redemption and transformation. You gotta love how children can be so honest about their feelings- “Out of the mouths of babes” is the expression I think. I respect and also love my son Julian’s perspective.  He keeps me in check. I also think I have a lot to make up for.
You see for the first 5 years or so of his life I was very hard on him. In short, I was never abusive but in my mind I was giving him discipline and life lessons all in the name of “good parenting.” In actuality I was impatient, quick to anger and utterly crushing him and he was a sensitive little kid to begin with. This was the pervasive subtle sin in my life that had been ongoing for far too long.
Part of my testimony I’ve shared in recent years has been the realization that I was blind for so many years to certain deep-seated anger issues (mine were related to being an adopted Korean) that threatened my relationship with my son, my wife, friendships and anyone else I ever cared about in life. Well, I was so pathetically prideful and ignorant that it took 40- plus years and 3 years of seminary but I finally saw the light. I truly praise God for that, better late than never.
One time last year Julian and I were talking and I asked him what his earliest childhood memory was. I expected him to say something fun and positive like when we played baseball or when he learned to ride a bike. Far from it. He proceeded to tell me it was that one time (when he was about 4) and Mom was away for the weekend and it was just him and I at home. For whatever reason I got so angry with him that he had to stay in his room on his red racecar bed and he ended up eating a bowl of ramen for dinner sitting on his bed trembling in tears. Man, that just hurt when he told me that was one of his childhood memories. But I have to live with that and maybe I ought to as a reminder (and penance) of how destructive I acted towards the very things I held dear.
The only reason I can openly share these embarrassing moments is that I feel an assurance that God is now in greater control of my life. I’ve seen how my life was going walking apart from the Lord and it wasn’t pretty. I can’t undo the harm I caused to my relationships in the past, but by God I can allow myself to be broken of that awful perpetuating life condition from here on out.
I’ve since apologized to my son many, many times for daddy’s bad behavior, especially for the red racecar bed incident. We can at least talk about that now and even laugh it off a little too. Thank God that children do seem to have a greater capacity to forgive than we adults. But as I’ve learn from Scripture (1 John 3) I can apologize all I want with words but Julian won’t truly appreciate my love for him I received from the Lord unless I strive to provide “good parenting” with patience and grace over time through my actions and in truth. Amen to that.

From Pastor Mark’s Heart
 February 24, 2013

As I was growing up, I told myself that I would be the perfect husband and father for my future family. My parents set a good example for me to learn from as they tried their best to raise me with godly values. Though my parents were not perfect in every area of parenting, my siblings and I always looked up to their leadership. There are times when I’m just amazed by how they were able to raise all three of us so well because it certainly is not so easy for me. 
My wife and I have been married for over five years now. Our relationship has definitely grown more intimate than ever before. There are many good and bad memories I can think of and all in all, God has been so good to us. I’ve been thinking a lot about how to be the leader of a household these days as I was reading about Abraham, Ezra, and Nehemiah. God has revealed amazing leadership characteristics of each person that I simply looked over before. The three individuals and their leadership taught me what I need to work on as a godly father, a husband and a spiritual leader to many. As I found myself struggling to become a better leader and a loving husband for my wife, two kids came along and made it even harder for me. Since I am not a natural leader, I was often forced to make decisions and had to learn to accept my role as the leader in my household and at church as a spiritual leader. It’s been a tough and yet rewarding journey for the last five years of family life and seven years of ministry experience. I still have a long way to go but I understand and accept my role as a leader that God has called me to be. I’m grateful to God for blessing me with people, especially my wife, who continue to encourage and challenge me to become a better leader.
For the past few weeks, I have been visiting and counseling Timothy families. Each family had a unique set of issues and struggles but one common topic that we discussed was on the topic of parenting and leadership. God allowed me to comfort and encourage dads and moms for the amazing job they are doing, but I also challenged them by reminding them that they are called to be “leaders of their household.” I hope to see many parents taking on full responsibility of their calling to be leaders of their households by humbly kneeling before God for His strength and wisdom. I was so encouraged to hear that there is a prayer movement that’s starting up at our church among the leaders and parents. God is about to do some amazing things at our church and in your families! I challenge all the leaders and parents to come out to EMP on Saturdays and also join the Friday night leaders/parents prayer meetings to participate and fully experience the blessings of this prayer movement. 

From Pastor Brian’s Heart
January 27, 2013